on feeling lost

hey guys, long time no talk.

sorry about that. i'm in my last semester of university so i actually have been doing a lot of other work. i highkey do not know how people manage to keep up with a blog/youtube and school and work. i feel like i don't have enough time to do it all.

although, that being said, i once had a prof who told me that if people say they don't have enough time, they're lying -- they just don't want to make the time.

i suppose that's true. if i pushed myself, i would be able to write a blog post every week. probably multiple, too. but you kinda just forget, you feel? i just forget to write and then before i know it, it's been 2 months.

i've had an alright start to my year. as i said, i'm in my last semester of university. in april, i'll graduate with a bachelor's degree in political science and history.

whenever i tell people what i study, they always expect that i can answer their questions about politics or history. i have one friend who texts me whenever there's a political event she doesn't understand. she'll just text like, "can you explain congress to me?"

but like... no, i can't. i've spent 4 years studying these subjects and i still know nothing.

when did ww2 end? idk.

why was trump elected? i also dk.

and this is why i feel so lost. because i'm not really passionate about the subjects i study, i don't care for typical careers. i don't want a government job, and i don't want to be a curator. i especially don't want to be a teacher, and i feel like that's definitely the 'go-to' career for my degree. but i hate these subjects, why would i want to spend my life teaching them to other people?

i guess it's normal to feel a bit lost before graduating. apparently everyone does. but you know what? it's actually really fucking inconvenient to not have a plan.

so yeah. the year has started off alright, but the closer we get to april, the more worried i become. it's real fun :)

p.s. enjoy this pic of me attempting to seem relaxed and care-free. it was a difficult persona to put on.